This comes from personal experience. Let me address my fellow UCDs for a moment. Now if you are not a UCD, but happen to know what it feels like to be on the brunt end of our black and whiteness, first, on behalf of UCDs, apologies, and second, maybe this will help.
Why so Black and White?
The UCD has an ability to contrast problems and worldviews against personal ideology. In other words, all issues can be described as black and white, up or down, in or out, and right or wrong. And although the UCD recognizes there might be middle ground or shades of grey, their convictions are, and will stay, unyielding. As a primary UCD myself, I can tell you that we don’t try to do this. We just do. It is intrinsic to us.
While individuals with other MDNA gifts often appreciate how black and white a UCD can be, more often than not, it can be challenging to receive from them in the spirit a UCD intends. If you are not a UCD, try to understand that without ideologies, convictions and principles, the world just does not make sense. What and why something is happening, in the most black and white terms, is more important that how everybody feels about it. That’s why we can be so blunt, especially in the delivery. This is also where the UCD can fall into a common trap.
If You Are a UCD (Especially a Leader)
Your temptation will be to choose ideology over relationship. Even though you can be black and white, there is always a distinct possibility you could be wrong. Again, no matter how unyielding your convictions are, sometimes we need to humble ourselves because we can’t be right all the time. And even more importantly, sometimes the relationship is more important than your convictions.
For example, my wife is primary IAF. She is more intuitive and sensitive to how she feels and the emotional atmosphere affecting others than I will ever be. Just in our own marriage, I must constantly ask myself, “Would I rather be right or have peace?” Again, my relationship is more important than my convictions. Not to mention that relational peace becomes even more important when I have to eat humble pie and reconcile when I am dead wrong.
The truth is that there are people who are completely comfortable with living in the grey. Even further, many people will sacrifice principles, convictions and even expose themselves to liabilities, denial and hypocrisy, just to preserve relationships. This all may seem absolutely preposterous to the UCD. But, right or wrong, this is just as normal for them as being black and white is to us.
Let me put it another way. Sometimes I come on so strong, so black and white, and all the bluntness that comes with it, that no matter what I say, even if I am right, it will never be received by my wife.
Let’s take a step beyond to my children. One of the traps I have fallen into is disciplining my children based upon character and principle before they are mature enough to understand why I am doing it in the first place. For example, if they cause an accident and try to hide it, in their child minds, they are simply hiding an accident. They know they are in trouble for the act itself. But if I confront them about character and the principles of honesty like they were adults that should know better, their hearts will not be able to understand or receive the lesson. They will even think I am an overly harsh father. Which has in fact been how my boys have perceived me in the past.
The lesson is that a UCD must always consider two factors. The first is that the other person may not share (or be ready to even understand) your ideology and that is perfectly acceptable. The second is how you deliver your convictions can be just as important as the convictions themselves.
Try taking a page out of the IAF playbook and try to sense and empathize first. Trust me, you’ll save yourself a lot of grief and energy for it. I know from experience.